Essay

The last day of 2025 marked the end of @desireonfire, a women’s healing space, as it closes down after almost a decade of service. @elliemontgomerie and @aimeebatuski created something truly profound and I want to share a story in honor of celebrating its life. I’ve had the privilege of serving in the community, supporting in the background, and a few times as a facilitator. There’s one particular time that had a huge impact on me as a man. It’s quite hard to put into words,

In my work with couples, I get to witness something truly remarkable. Those very challenges that once fueled disagreements take on new shades of meaning, leading to a deeper connection. It’s like taking a leap into a whole new way of being with each other. You see, the ways we learned to relate to one another are deeply rooted in the messages we received from our ‘image makers’ : our parents, siblings, extended family, teachers, and the broader culture and society as we grew

In the coming years, we are going to see and hear an increase in men feeling lonely, suffering from depression, experiencing stress symptoms, having anxiety, being emotionally distressed. You might think: What is going to happen in the next years for this to be reality? But it is already reality. It’s just not talked about.

I’ve felt for a long time that the blame placed on “the patriarchy” for the current failure of our culture didn’t quite ring true.